Lessons Learned - It figures!

Lessons Learned

1. Wait anxiously until the children are in bed to watch a movie that is rated PG or above.
2. Within 5 minutes of the movie, child #1 needs a cup of juice.
3. Within 15 minutes of the movie, child #2 needs to go to the bathroom
4. Within 30 minutes of the movie, child #3 has something wrong and wants to scream regardless of all attempts to quiet her.
5. Within 45 minutes of the movie, spouse falls asleep.
6. Within 50 minutes of the movie, I fall asleep.
7. If no children bother me and I don't fall asleep, the movie will be the worst of all times.
8. If I order a pizza when the children are starving and they promise a 45 delivery, delivery time will actually be 1 hour and 37 minutes.
9. If I decide to cook, as soon as I get my hands in raw meat, child #3 has a blow-out diaper.
10. After stripping child #3 and getting her ready for a bath, child #1 and child #2 have a hair pulling/biting war.
11. After separating child #2 and child #1, realize that the baby shampoo for child #3 was used for emergency bubble bath solution.
12. Search the linen closet and find a small travel size bottle of baby wash.
13. Bottle is empty, quickly wash child #3 with Dawn liquid soap and pray it doesn't break her out.
14. Holding a dripping child #3 discover child #1 and #2 have found the linen closet open and have decided to apply baby oil to themselves, the carpet, the walls and the dog.
15. Use Dawn soap again to cut the oil on all offenders and innocent bystanders.
16. Realize that the raw meat mentioned in lesson #9 has now been sitting at room tempature for an hour. Throw it out.
17. Proceed to Lesson #8
18. Decide to have a movie with the pizza and follow lessons #1-6

Sigh...lessons learned. Tomorrow is a new day.